Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just wanna soil my oats bro
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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