you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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