We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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