Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
