He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
