just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
