yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
