I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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