Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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