the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
