did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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