She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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