sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
