So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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