just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
