Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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