Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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