All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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