His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
