It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
