We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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