Soap is not a condiment
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
