so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
