I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
