I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
