Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..

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(989): View more from Michigan

you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out

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(317): View more from Indiana

I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom

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(214): View more from Texas

Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..

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(248): View more from Michigan

Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius

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(513): View more from Ohio

She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.

(270): View more from Kentucky

We need to get on her level.

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