I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
