We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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