I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
