I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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