I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
