Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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