I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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