did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
