I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
