So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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