I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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