So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
