You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
