my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
