everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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