Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
