Just fell off a train. Bad.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
