Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
