susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
