I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
