She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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