i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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