Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
