I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Say something about gay babies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
